Monday, March 10, 2014
Last Monday, a new lao shi was assigned to stay with me. She knew English hardly but I was able to explain some class routines. Linlin helped me explained it to her. So we did started the class and a new boy came in with his parents. During the snack time, I was serving the children and entertaining the new boy with his mother. It's been a habit to look around the class even when I'm talking to the parent. Merlin, one of the children came from the toilet and washed his hands for snacks. He grabbed his bag from the top of the cubby hole to get his snack box. I noticed a "glass glass" was beside his bag. I knew he would hit it and it would fall down. Eventually it did but before it did, I just said "In Jesus' name" in my mind. God exactly knows what I mean. When he pulled his bag, the glass fell down on his right side. On his left side was David sitting down and opening his own bag for his own snack box. I immediately went to them and sweep the floor. Yes, a parent was there. After sweeping, I checked Merlin and David for any broken glass and praise the Lord, they didn't have any scratch on them. David who was sitting down said, "Miss Ela, I had something red on my foot." When I examined him, the red thing on his foot a drop of paint. I praise Jesus for His protection on my students. But most of all, for knowing what I mean and what I need when I call on His name. Afterwards, I told the story to my head lao shi so she could talk to the new lao shi.
I was sharing this event and other testimonies about how God's grace and Pastor Prince sharing the gospel of grace and how I heard it first from Pastor Jun. But while I was sharing, I can't help realised that I glow when I share and that the passion in my heart is fuelled. Yes, I'm still called to be a pastor. To pastor a church? Maybe yes. When? That's up to the Lord. But while I was sitting there and sharing, I knew that my heart is at home at sharing the love of Jesus to people. I know the Lord has His own timing to when things are going to be and He have His own way on how things are going to be but I am certain that my heart will always find its place in ministering and encouraging people.
So why move away from that path? Actually, I thought I move away from that path when I decided to go to Singapore because of a blind love but little I didn't know, it is God leading me all along. It had been a rough road but Jesus never leave me. I withdraw myself from my family to protect a man. And when this man (of a coward) left me, I felt I was all alone. But then all along, Jesus became a listener to every groans I have, a comforter to my sorrowful soul and healer of my wounded heart. Even when I made my conclusion about "making my own destiny" He had protected me from others harming me and even from me harming myself. Yes, He used people but most, He used His Word. I have no other comfort, no clear words than His Word. My heart learned to settle on what He says. I wouldn't say I'm tough but I must say that I am a victor in every situation because of the gift of "condemnation," I'm gradually settling my mind and in my heart that I am loved no matter what I did or what I am doing.
I didn't stay that way. Jesus restored my relationship with my family (a wrong mind setting that this man taught me) and the sting of pain from my past relationship slowly dies down. Although, I must admit if ever I see him, I would still like to slap his face. Did I told you, "gradually" right? Heee
Lastly, lately I have been so down for giving up on the chef. I have been lead by my instinct and by the Spirit of God to let go of him. There's just no hope between us - at least, I tried but I'm quite fed up to be the only one trying. Anyhow, we're still friends. I think I just need to get used to being independent again - and break the habit of thinking about him and going to him whenever I'm missing home or missing doing the things I do back home.
To end this entry, one of the things that I am learning in my #gracejourney is that when I serve God, I should serve out of the overflow. I don't mean that I need to "experience something" so that I could share about it or I need to "undergo something" so I could minister effectively. What I mean when I said "serving out of the overflow" is that you don't serve out of what you have but out of what is flowing out of the brim, what is excess or surplus or excess that which cannot be accommodated by the available space. When you serve from what you have (I'm not speaking about talent or ability or money but the revelation on Jesus' personal love for me), you can get half empty or worst, you can run out yourself. But when you serve out the excess, you never run out because what you have is for you and the overflow is for others. More likely reminds me of the phrase like "being blessed to be a blessing." No, I'm not talking about "sowing and reaping" here. I'm talking about "We love because He first love us." When you have known in your heart of hearts and revealed to you like a bright blinding light (road to Damascus), there's no other respond but to serve. You don't serve out of obligation, you serve not just out of gratitude but also because there is just no available respond but to just serve. More like a glass full of water, when you keep pouring water into it, the water can't help but just overflow - effortlessly. No obligation required and no demands taken. Just like that. That's why He loves giving to us and overflowing us. What a loving Saviour!
I must admit that I used search the Scripture so I could have something to share because I need to minister. But my grace journey had been a training me to see God's Word unfold in my very own eyes, revealed, uncensored. God let me experience it - not just letters come out from the pages but these Words coming to life right in front of me. How did it happened? I just look to JESUS. Simple as that.
Saturday, March 01, 2014
Friday, February 28, 2014
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
So what did I do today? Slept until 9am then had my breakfast - a pasalubong from Mylyn who just came from south of Philippines. Then I had my shower so I could go straight to the clinic in Ang Mo Kio - where I've been going for the past two years. It's near where me and my friends used to stay (for two years) and somehow walking there brings back a lot of memories. Memories on how my life had been in emotional chaos because of dating unbelievers and literally take me on a roller coaster ride. Something I would never do again ... admittedly, I learned my lessons...heee. But out of the roller coaster, I found something worth remembering. As I passed the parking lot, can't help myself from recalling where I first met Bran. Yes, in the parking lot. He called me up so we could meet up and he did picked me up from where I used to live. And the rest is history but we are still friends. From the time that we chatted online and met, it's almost two years. And the weird thing about it is, is that I still miss him. The notion of giving him up as a "friend" had been with me for the past two years since I met him. And giving him up is like bouncing a ball on the wall. Can't seem to get over him. Everytime I would say goodbye, he'd convince me not to. Everytime I won't say a word to say goodbye, he'd continue communicating with him which eventually get myself emotionally attached to him. Ugh! Somehow confuses me. Before, I would respond to this issue like a cry-baby but today, I have one little secret...I just look to Jesus and His love for me. At the end of the day, I became ok.
MC days are filled with a lot of thinking moments and boring moments. It's also filled with the noise of construction work at the nearby building around the building I live at. It's also filled with a lot of "to-do" lists from work that I have to finish and it is filled with the thoughts of him. Thoughts of wanderings and wonderings like "does he always think of me as my days are filled with the thoughts of him?"
Sunday, February 16, 2014
I know what Pastor Prince means when he said, "the more you testify about Jesus (like how blind Bartimeus did in John 9), the more one's knowledge and revelation of Him grows." Being in Singapore have kept my mouth shut about God's goodness. Not that I'm not allowed to say so it's just that I let myself do so. It never helps - really. That's why I'm excited to go home in the Philippines every time. I love sharing Jesus to CCC and HCM. Trauma from "social network" bullying had kept me from speaking out. In that, I have to declare "I am the righteousness of God in Christ." But then on the other hand, I wanted to share Jesus to the congregation I love and to those brothers I have from the same mother. Yeah, I know, no point since we're in the same family. When time comes, I would just literally shout it out...for the time being, I'll just sit down and listen to teachings about God's unmerited favour - Jesus.
My time will come but in the waiting season, I will content myself with His love. Good days are ahead of me, I see them coming and overwhelming me. I have only one Person to think and thank about - Jesus. He makes all things beautiful, just as He is altogether lovely ^_^
Saturday, February 15, 2014
So this day is special - not that it's V-day but for the first time in 3 years time, my boss gave me 2 saturdays to work instead of 4. I've never been so happy. Whatever that is, I have Jesus to thank for. It was indeed his favour that got me that 2 days off. Today, I'm celebrating my first Saturday off. I've never been so grateful, never been feel so loved ^_^
And so I celebrated my V-day by giving myself a facial treatment with e-life - which is quite an electric shock (hee) and ate dinner with housemates with movies on the side. Valentine's day had never been this fun and exciting.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Monday, December 30, 2013
Friday, December 27, 2013
Sunday, December 08, 2013
Aren’t you glad that God isn’t keeping an itemized account of your sins? You can live free with no fearful expectations of judgment from God, and be bold in His presence. You can talk to Him as you would your best friend. You can trust Him to provide for all your needs and give you good success. - JP
|For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.|