hopeful

a good tomorrow is coming my way. thanks to Jesus who secures my future so I could sleep tonight and expect a lot of good things to come my way. thank You Jesus, nothing compares to the hope I have because of your promise to me.

Sundays

Sundays  usually  the highlight of my week...it is where usually my work begins. I used to work full time in the church. For the reason that I wanted to upgrade myself (and for a lost love I used to have), I took the opportunity to work and study abroad. Nowadays, my Sundays are filled with Gospel of Grace messages in the morning, serving the children's church during lunch, long naps in the afternoon and work in the evenings. But in between afternoon naps and working evenings, I usually feel homesick. I've been in Singapore for more than a year now and homesickness doesn't seem to leave me alone. Ugh! The irony! I usually feel lonely when I'm homesick. When I would try to think about why is it, I would end up answering myself - I'm trying to bring the new wine into the old wine skin. The tendency is that it will explode.

God has been good to me here in Singapore - no doubt, no complain about it. And for the past year, I have seen how the Lord has delivered me everyday. Not that I need deliverance every day, it's just that being by myself - and by that I mean literally by myself (actually for the past three months since a break up), made me   independent. I don't exactly know if it's embarrassing to admit that it's my first time to be independent at age 34. By independent I mean I fend for myself - no papa or mama to ask for advice or money...hehehe. Independence has cost and one of which is loneliness or homesickness. I live with two friends in SG, with which I shouldn't be homesick or lonely. But somehow, being not around my family for that long made me remorseful. I wasn't away with them for a year for almost three years...when I decided to love a man and protect this man even from them. After two years and ten months, this man just gave up on "us." Ah, if only I'd listened to my pastor's advice then it wouldn't hurt that much. But then again, if I hadn't fall in love, I wouldn't go this far. I went this far not because he loved me but because I loved him. Realizing those things, I have seen how gracious God has been to both of us. Moving on seems so slow when I look at my situation and my feelings. It's just a 'down' day for me since I'm tired and homesick. But every time I look to Jesus and let the Holy Spirit unveil Jesus and His love for me, things are easy to let go.

I'm very much blessed with today's message by Pastor Prince. The statement that struck me was about ... "when God doesn't make a way, don't try to break through." A big point for me - although it wasn't all about that because Pastor Prince was expounding on Ephesians 3:20. However, I just realized that things are easier to let go when I don't doubt God's goodness. Amen, amen! God specifically put that verse in the Bible to let me know that

Now to Him who is able
Now to Him who is able to do
Now to Him who is able to do what we ask
Now to Him who is able to do what we ask or think
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly what we ask or think
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all what we ask or think
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,

Four Animals and a Bridge

Bridge from Ting on Vimeo.

On my way to work ...on the bus

Reading Psalms 37 with the New Covenant in mind makes my heart 'stout' and secure. Yesterday, I went home late from work to finish some things. I was tired but as I walk to the bus stop, I choose to relax and slowly walk. I caught the bus that will take me straight to my hdb. I reached home safe and sound and meditating on the Word while soaking in the presence of God. I just experienced the presence of the Lord mightily when I got inside my room. It lead me to declare things that I want to see in my lifeand prayed in tongues. It was refreshing both for my tired mind and body. Before sleeping, negative and insecure thought tried to get a hold of me. I choose not to and sleep. When I wake up this morning I realized that the enemy would want me to think otherwise. That is why we bring every thought into captivity about what Jesus did at the cross. It made me secure enough to know how much I am loved by my Father.
Thinking about this things, I realized that the Lord allow me to be separated for a while in the ministry to find my security and identity in Him - not with my family or with people I associate with. And the Word is not just for sharing for ministering's sake but fir an actual application in my life. The Word being 'rod and staff' has never been this surreal. It has been my comfort and shield during panic attack.

Psalms 37 AMP

On worship leading

It just came to me tha kuya Israel would line up songs on how the Lord works in his life for that week and would ask Gid again for confirmation so it will minister to the congregation

Outline
Nothing is impossible
Healer (just the bridge)
You hold my world in Your hands
Moving forward

This outline speaks to my situation today and how Isaiah 43:18-19 is revealed to me.

Continuing in the Spirit of Grace!

hitting that spot

For two months now, I still am going in and out of that emotional state of recovering and forgetting. Most days things are easy to let go and forget and some days could be very dragging me emotionally to the point of being hopeless. It's good to share these things to some people and a fellow teacher, Erma just gave me an advice that hit that right spot of actually waking me up. You know what she said that gives me a "boink" in the head? She said, "Don't waste your youth, you're still young. Move on with your life." She have a BIG point. Coming from a 40-year old person, yes, she's right, I'm still young. I'm doing all of these by faith...forgiving by faith and eventually, forgetting by faith.

a new day

Mrs. Noele Wong was lecturing during Math Literacy when it dawned up to me that children can only see what they can see however, teachers or parents can develop them to have long term goal. I almost went to "sisi" mode but then I snapped out of it and tell myself, it is time. I have been seeing what's in front of me since Jesus has been teaching me to look beyond all these years. Ayos! So I decided to make plans while I am in SG and do some unusual activities I haven't tried yet like para-gliding or do zip lines. I even encouraged my friends to venture around town as if we're tourist. Exciting as it seems, I realized that I need money to do it and if I will save then I can do it. But then, how's my savings? And again, panic mode seems to overtake again. U thought about the money, my age, my future of getting married and having my own family. What if it's too late...what if...yes, what ifs. Good thing, I went to church. God's message for me today is simple - don't worry. Yes, it's true, worrying will not take me anywhere but trusting in Jesus will take me to places at the right place at the right time. Amazing! This one thing I need to settle in my heart...that whatever challenges I have right now or no matter how hopeless things for me, having the revelation of the fullness of Jesus will enable me to achieve my potential, promote me and give me a desirable outcome (talking about Psalms 37:4). I wanted not to be bitter anymore - tama na, nakakapagod eh...nakakawala pa ng focus. I just need to rest in Jesus' love for me - basking in His love and not 'sweat' on things that has already been given to me. Like Pastory Henry said today, "Worship is me turning away my eyes on my situation and focusing it on Jesus. As I continue to behold Him, answers will keep on coming." Eh, the reason why I am this bitter is because of the unanswered questions I have it my mind. Now I know what exactly I will do. Salamat Jesus. Now I know You love me because You did not witheld Your Son, Your only Son Whom You love. He is more than enough Father.

going in and out

Today have been very rewarding for me as a teacher. From the time I started working in SG as teachers, I have been unappreciated for the past year. I must admit that appreciation from my students is through hugs and kiss and compliments. Ok, ok...I know. Yes, I have lots of those and I've been neglecting them. I seem to look for the same appreciation I have been having in the PI. Well, I have what I've been desiring for. Today, Rubs (one of my students) made a progress in using her pot-pot. We've been doing it for three weeks (with her mom's help at home) and it seems like she's not making any progress. After two weeks, talking to her about the toilet bowl itself and encouraging her to sit...she finally sit down and didn't cry. Yey! High five to Ms. me...hehehe.

Another thing is that I've been experiencing a dilemma. I'm literally going in and out of being emotionally hurt. Actually, I miss a person but at the same time wanting to smack this person on the face and hurt this person until this person bleeds. Don't get me wrong or have wrong thoughts toward me. The former statement is a real deal but the latter one is figurative. Could going in and out of this feeling a part of healing? How could it be? The same person makes me happy and sad at the same time. Ugh! Am I falling in love again? Maybe not. Remorse - that's it. Imagine being the most important person once but now, the least. Aist!

Drama Queen

I'm having a hard time forgiving myself of disillusionmement - again.

dampered

I'm depress, I'm literally depress and lonely. I honestly don't know what to do about it. Don't want to deny it anymore, I am really depress. Didn't go to work today for that specific reason...haven't been having any decent sleep because of this depression... keeps me restless and vengeful. Don't know who can I talk to about it and if I did, will that person keep my secret and can that person help me. God knows how much I wanted to be comforted by my family and that I know for sure they can. But in doing so, even after break up, I'm still protecting the man who broke my heart. If only I could tell my family to protect me from this man who broke my heart. I venture with a dream of being with someone but then I end being alone, utterly alone.